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Author Topic: Merkley's guide to pretend lifting  (Read 73615 times)

Offline Merkley

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Merkley
Merkley's guide to pretend lifting
« on: February 10, 2015, 06:29:38 PM »
 Are you a guy (or girl) that goes into the gym and is intimidated by those lifters that lift massive amounts of iron?

 Have you always wanted to wow your friends with loading up a weight bar with enough iron to crush a rhino and getting jiggy with a squat?...and Survive?!

 Do you want to be the topic of conversation around the water cooler for how heavy you can lift?

 .....but don't want to invest the time it would take to ACTUALLY lift rhino crushing weight?

 If you have answered yes to two or more of these questions then you need to read on!

 You see folks, there ARE ways to do this

 YES! I said it! There are ways to accomplish these feats and not have to work for it AT ALL!

 It's called FAKING IT!

 That's right, faking it!

 In this journal I will teach you how to fake it, just as good as your girlfriend/wife/paid weekend friend from Jane and Finch! Or in the case of the ladies reading this needing to learn these skills.... well.... you already have these skills so you have a leg up on your male counterpart.

 But! I will teach you to apply it to the gym!

 Hurray!

 So I will teach you all the techniques needed to FAKE all of it!

  No more intimidation at the gym from the heavy lifters!

 Wow your friends with those getting' jiggy squats!

 Be the talk at the water cooler for months to come!
 

 :o

 Let us begin!



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“No citizen has a right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training… what a disgrace it is for a man to grow old without ever seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable.”
 – Socrates

Online FLEX

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Re: Merkley's guide to pretend lifting
« Reply #1 on: February 10, 2015, 07:29:15 PM »
okay.....  :S

In on this because I know you actually lift....
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Powerlifting Meet Bests:

2018.04.28:  620 Squat, 345 Bench, 615 Dead   |  1580 Total
2017.04.29:  610 Squat, 325 Bench, 600 Dead   |  1535 Total
2016.04.22:  600 Squat, 330 Bench, 600 Dead   |  1530 Total
2015.08.09:  600 Squat, 320 Bench, 600 Dead   |  1520 Total

Offline Merkley

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Merkley
Re: Merkley's guide to pretend lifting
« Reply #2 on: February 10, 2015, 08:08:15 PM »
Ok, I'm going to be to the point with a lot of the backlogging, other than things I find relevant to mention. So just working sets, etc.

 
-Day 1-

-Squat-

Oct 15th, 2014 - 185 x 5 x 4
Oct 20th, 2014 - 190 x 5 x 4
Oct 30th, 2014 - 195 x 5 x 4
Nov 05th, 2014 - 205 x 5 x 4
Nov 12th, 2014 - 225 x 5 x 4
Nov 19th, 2014 - 235 x 5 x 4
Nov 27th, 2014 - 255 x 5 x 4
Dec 03rd, 2014 - 260 x 5 x 4

-Barbell Military Press-

Oct 15th, 2014 - 70 x 5 x 4
Oct 20th, 2014 - 90 x 5 x 4
Oct 30th, 2014 - 95 x 5 x 4
Nov 05th, 2014 - 115 x 5 x 4
Nov 12th, 2014 - 135 x 5 x 4
Nov 19th, 2014 - 145 x 5, 145 x 5, 145 x 3, 135 x 5
Nov 27th, 2014 - 135 x 5 x 4
Dec 03rd, 2014 - 140 x 5 x 4

-Chin up-

Oct 15th, 2014 - BW x 5 x 4
Oct 20th, 2014 - BW x 5 x 4
Oct 30th, 2014 - BW x 6 x 4
Nov 05th, 2014 - BW x 7 x 4
Nov 12th, 2014 - BW x 8 x 4
Nov 19th, 2014 - BW x 9 x 4
Nov 27th, 2014 - BW x 10 x 3, BW x 3
Dec 03rd, 2014 - BW x 11 x 3, BW x 4
« Last Edit: February 10, 2015, 09:41:02 PM by Merkley »
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“No citizen has a right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training… what a disgrace it is for a man to grow old without ever seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable.”
 – Socrates

Offline Merkley

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Merkley
Re: Merkley's guide to pretend lifting
« Reply #3 on: February 10, 2015, 08:18:39 PM »
-Day 2-

-Deadlift-

Oct 17th, 2014 - 135 x 5 x 4
Oct 24th, 2014 - 185 x 5 x 4
Oct 31rst, 2014 -205 x 5 x 4
Nov 07th, 2014 - 225 x 5 x 4
Nov 11th, 2014 - 245 x 5 x 4
Nov 24th, 2014 - 275 x 5 x 4
Nov 28th, 2014 - 300 x 5, 280 x 5 x 3
Dec 08th, 2014 - 290 x 5 x 3, 290 x 4 x 1

-Bench Press-

Oct 17th, 2014 - 210 x 5 x 4
Oct 24th, 2014 - 210 x 7 x 4
Oct 31rst, 2014 - 225 x 5 x 4
Nov 07th, 2014 - 240 x 5 x 4
Nov 11th, 2014 - 240 x 6 x 4
Nov 24th, 2014 -  240 x 8 x 4
Nov 28th, 2014 -  240 x 9 x 4
Dec 08th, 2014 - 240 x 5 x 1, 240 x 10 x 1, 240 x 4 x 1, 210 x 10 x 1

-1 Arm Dumbbell Row-

Oct 17th, 2014 - 45 x 5 x 4
Oct 24th, 2014 - 50 x 6 x 4
Oct 31rst, 2014 -55 x 5 x 4
Nov 07th, 2014 - 60 x 5 x 4
Nov 11th, 2014 - 70 x 5 x 4
Nov 24th, 2014 - 75 x 5 x 4
Nov 28th, 2014 - 85 x 5 x 4
Dec 08th, 2014 -  90 x 5 x 3, 80 x 5 x 1

-Week Off-
« Last Edit: February 10, 2015, 08:21:04 PM by Merkley »
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“No citizen has a right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training… what a disgrace it is for a man to grow old without ever seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable.”
 – Socrates

Offline Cali

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Re: Merkley's guide to pretend lifting
« Reply #4 on: February 10, 2015, 08:19:56 PM »
Military press, hell yeah OP!
This is new and exciting, in.
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Quote from: cmoore on August 16, 2015, 10:56:51 AM
EVERYTHING you put in your body matters IF you want to reach your maximum potential.

Offline Merkley

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Merkley
Re: Merkley's guide to pretend lifting
« Reply #5 on: February 10, 2015, 08:54:52 PM »
-New Phase-
(Current Phase actually)

-Day 1-

-Close Grip (6") Chin Up-

12/16/14 - BW x 11 x 2
12/22/14 - +25 x 3 x 1, +10 x 5 x 1 -Too heavy/ Golfers elbow kicking in on right arm
01/05/15 - +25 x 5 x 2
01/13/15 - +25 x 5 x 1, BW x 5 - Too heavy on warm up
01/22/15 - BW x 12 x 2
01/26/15 - BW x 13 x 2 - Strong
02/06/15 - BW x 15 x 2 - Elbow pain

-Weighted Push Up-

12/16/14 - BW x 10 x 2
12/22/14 - BW x 12 x 2
01/05/15 - BW x 15 x 1, BW x 20 x 1
01/13/15 - +25 x 10 x 2
01/22/15 - BW x 15 x 1, BW x 20 x 1
01/26/15 - BW x 22 x 2 -Strong
02/06/15 - BW x 25 x 2 -Fast/Strong

-Squat-

12/16/14 - 275 x 5 x 2
12/22/14 -  275 x 6 x 2
01/05/15 -  275 x 7 x 2
01/13/15 - 280 x 5 x 2
01/22/15 - 225 x 10 x 2, 295 x 1 x 1 -Weak
01/26/15 - 300 x 5, 300 x 4 - Lightheaded/Strong
02/06/15 - 225 x 5 x 2, 135 x 10 x 1 -Left Hip, last set for speed

-Dumbbell Shrug-

12/16/14 - 100's x 5 x 2
12/22/14 -  105's x 5 x 2
01/05/15 -  110's x 5 x 2
01/13/15 -  110's x 5 x 2
01/22/15 - 100 x 10 x 2
01/26/15 - 105 x 5 x 2
02/06/15 - 105 x 8 x 2
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“No citizen has a right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training… what a disgrace it is for a man to grow old without ever seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable.”
 – Socrates

Offline Merkley

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Merkley
Re: Merkley's guide to pretend lifting
« Reply #6 on: February 10, 2015, 09:26:38 PM »
-Day 2-

-Deadlift-

12/17/14- 300 x 5 x 2 - Grip issues
12/24/14- 305 x 5 x 2
01/07/15- 315 x 5 x 2, 335 x 3 x 1
01/15/15- 315 x 5 x 1, 320 x 1 x 1 -Lightheaded
01/23/15- 315 x 3 x 1, 320 x FAIL, 225 x 8 x 1 -Head wasn't in it
01/28/15- 315 x 3 x 1, 225 x 7 - Grip issues (shitty bar, no chalk)
02/10/15- 275 x 3 x1, 275 x 5 x 1 - Back was tightening up, issues from a fall last week

-Incline Bench Press-

12/17/14- 205 x 5 x 1, 205 x 4 x 1 - WEAK!
12/24/14- 225 x 6 x 2
01/07/15- 225 x 7 x 2
01/15/15- 185 x 5 x 2 - Nothing left
01/23/15- 205 x 4 x 2
01/28/15- 205 x 3 x 1, 205 x 2 x 1 - Distracted
02/10/15- 225 x 5 x 2

-1 Arm Dumbbell Row-

12/17/14- 100's x 5 x 2
12/24/14- 100's x 6 x 2
01/07/15- 100's x 6 x 2
01/15/15- 100's x 8 x 2
01/23/15- 100's x 7 x 2
01/28/15- 100's x 8 x 2
02/10/15- 105's x 5 x 2

-Standing Dumbbell Curl-

12/17/14- 40's x 5 x 2 - WEAK
12/24/14- 40's x 5 x 2
01/07/15- 45's x 5 x 2
01/15/15- 50's x 5 x 2
01/23/15- 50's x 6 x 2 - Hand's were weak
01/28/15- 50's x 7 x 2
02/10/15- 50's x 5 x 2 - POOPED!
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“No citizen has a right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training… what a disgrace it is for a man to grow old without ever seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable.”
 – Socrates

Offline Merkley

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Merkley
Re: Merkley's guide to pretend lifting
« Reply #7 on: February 10, 2015, 09:40:11 PM »
-Day 3-

-Squat-

12/19/14 - 275 x 5 x 2
01/01/15 - 280 x 5 x 2
01/09/15 - 285 x 5 x 2 - Sore as shit!
01/17/15 - 290 x 5 x 2 - Strong!
01/24/15 - 275 x 5 x 2 - Sore, Long Warm up
02/04/15 - 300 x 6 x 2 - Strong!

-Close Grip Bench Press-

12/19/14 - 185 x 5 x 2
01/01/15 - 185 x 6 x 2
01/09/15 - 185 x 7 x 2 - Sloppy
01/17/15 - 190 x 5 x 2 - Strong
01/24/15 - 190 x 5 x 2 - Not Bad
02/04/15 - 190 x 6 x 2 - Rough warm up

-Pull Up-

12/19/14 - +45 x 5 x 2 - Too Much!!!
01/01/15 - +25 x 5 x 2 - Terrible!
01/09/15 - BW x 10 x 2 - Gassed!
01/17/15 - BW x 11 x 2
01/24/15 - BW x 1 x 1 - Elbow gave out!!!!
02/04/15 - BW x 10 x 2

-Barbell Military Press-

12/19/14 - 145 x 5 x 2
01/01/15 - 155 x 5 x 2
01/09/15 - 135 x 5 x 2 - Gassed!
01/17/15 - 160 x 5 x 1, 135 x 5 x 1 - Pinched neck during workout
01/24/15 - 135 x 3 x 1, 135 x 5 x 1
01/04/15 - 160 x 5 x 1, 160 x 3 x 1
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“No citizen has a right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training… what a disgrace it is for a man to grow old without ever seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable.”
 – Socrates

Offline Merkley

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Merkley
Re: Merkley's guide to pretend lifting
« Reply #8 on: February 10, 2015, 10:01:57 PM »
Whew!

 All my back logging is done. We are now allllll caught up on everything I have done since I started training again (minus eating....but it isn't worth mentioning at this point).

 First phase was pretty easy, almost seemed too easy. But I'm thankful for not rushing it with doing more than I had to. By the end of the phase things were falling into place.

 This current phase of my training is near completion (Thank Christ!) I've had about enough and I'm in need of a bit of a change, as well as a deload period. Instead of taking the week off like I did last time after training for the first 8 weeks of this protocol, I'm going to deload for a couple weeks, try some active recovery. That way my lifts don't go to shit for taking a week off. Also I during this time I can tighten up my lifting form, make sure I'm not getting sloppy.

 During this second phase I've been really having to work for it! It hasn't been easy at all, I've had alot of small setbacks...snow plowing, pinch in my neck, bad slip and fall last week that fucked my traps, deep tissue massage therapy(...Needed for far too long), Posture correction, major golfers elbow issues with my right elbow, left hip flexor has been completely fucked!!!, glutes are fucked, hamstrings are like guitar strings.....

 BUT! I keep going back for more  :o

 I have been making sure to do alot of stretching (active and static), myofacia release with a foam roller, lacrosse ball, and rolling pin. Yoga movements (half dog, and a few others I don't know the names for). Just trying to keep the tissue in decent shape. Plus the deep tissue massage therapy is going to be on the regular, try and keep things at proper length and soft. Let's not forget meditation and scorching hot baths with epsom salts.

 It's now 10 pm, best hit the hay. I have to be up by 4-4:30 am. Hope like hell it doesn't snow tonight, I want to smash some squats, bench, pull ups, and military press!

 Night!
« Last Edit: February 11, 2015, 10:58:57 AM by Merkley »
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“No citizen has a right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training… what a disgrace it is for a man to grow old without ever seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable.”
 – Socrates

Offline Merkley

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Merkley
Re: Merkley's guide to pretend lifting
« Reply #9 on: February 10, 2015, 10:03:49 PM »
Quote from: FLEX on February 10, 2015, 07:29:15 PM
okay.....  :S

In on this because I know you actually lift....

 The illusion is that good, I put on a really good facade as you can see.
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“No citizen has a right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training… what a disgrace it is for a man to grow old without ever seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable.”
 – Socrates

Offline Merkley

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  • Height: 5'6
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Merkley
Re: Merkley's guide to pretend lifting
« Reply #10 on: February 11, 2015, 08:40:47 AM »
-Squat-

Bar x 10 (Ass to grass with pause in the hole)
135 x 10
185 x 5
225 x 5
275 x 3
315 x 6 - Strong as fuck!
315 x 3 - Strong, but lost focus

-Close grip bench press-

Bar x 20
135 x 10
185 x 5
205 x 5 x 2 - Strong!

-Pull up-

BW x 11 x 2 - Elbow pain was there, not bad though...I did this fast as hell!

-Barbell Military Press-

60 x 10
90 x 10
120 x 5
140 x 5
160 x 6
160 x 4

 Overall this morning's workout was solid! I haven't had a training session like this in awhile, rather refreshing if I do say so myself. I attribute it to the grueling 2 hour deep tissue massage therapy session I had on Sunday (really opened up my inner thighs and left hip flexor. Have to admit I "cheated" a bit and took a couple advil prior to the gym, it was one of those mornings. Didn't help the hot water tank at our place took a shit and I ended up having a very...."brisk" shower. Time to throw down on some branched chainz and some creatine monohydrate.

 This amazing workout was brought to you by the band Whitechapel and their latest album "Our Endless War". I put this on and immediately felt like I was powered by a nuclear reactor!!!

 EDIT! I squatted "barefoot" for the first time today, wish I would have started doing that sooner. I mean I always squat with uber flat shoes but this creates such a different feel, loved it!
« Last Edit: February 11, 2015, 11:09:42 AM by Merkley »
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“No citizen has a right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training… what a disgrace it is for a man to grow old without ever seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable.”
 – Socrates

Online FLEX

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Re: Merkley's guide to pretend lifting
« Reply #11 on: February 11, 2015, 09:51:59 AM »
Nice work.

Didn't make it in this morning.  Worked until almost 7 last night, didn't get to bed on time, could not get up this morning.

Feelsbadman.....
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Powerlifting Meet Bests:

2018.04.28:  620 Squat, 345 Bench, 615 Dead   |  1580 Total
2017.04.29:  610 Squat, 325 Bench, 600 Dead   |  1535 Total
2016.04.22:  600 Squat, 330 Bench, 600 Dead   |  1530 Total
2015.08.09:  600 Squat, 320 Bench, 600 Dead   |  1520 Total

Offline Merkley

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  • I pretend to lift from time to time.
  • Height: 5'6
  • Weight: Whatever the mirror tells me...which is fat most days
Merkley
Re: Merkley's guide to pretend lifting
« Reply #12 on: February 11, 2015, 10:08:50 AM »
Quote from: FLEX on February 11, 2015, 09:51:59 AM
Nice work.

Didn't make it in this morning.  Worked until almost 7 last night, didn't get to bed on time, could not get up this morning.

Feelsbadman.....

 I kept my eye out for you, figured something came up.

 Personally, I didn't think I was going to make it in this morning. I didn't get to bed until after 10 pm (having to do all that backlogging took time, and well...real life responsibilities). It was a half asleep nights as well, ufff!

 However, the alarm went off at 4 am and I mulled over the idea of not coming in...and slowly I began to remember that there is potential snow coming for today/overnight and I have a tattoo apt this evening so I best roll my ass outta bed. I did, though I can tell ya I was well off to the races when that cold water hit me from my nice shower this morning! WOO!
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“No citizen has a right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training… what a disgrace it is for a man to grow old without ever seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable.”
 – Socrates

Offline Merkley

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  • Posts: 1761
  • I pretend to lift from time to time.
  • Height: 5'6
  • Weight: Whatever the mirror tells me...which is fat most days
Merkley
Re: Merkley's guide to pretend lifting
« Reply #13 on: February 12, 2015, 06:25:48 AM »
Good Morning Everyone!

 So as mentioned previously I had a tattoo apt last night. This was a session I had been looking forward to for QUITE some time, and by far the most meaningful session/tattoo I have had to date. To keep it short I had my Pops name and Didos (Grandfather) name tattooed on my knucks.

 If it wasn't for them (especially my Dad) I don't know exactly where I would have ended up, but it wouldn't have been anywhere good.

 I raise my cup of coffee to you fine gentlemen, thank you for everything you've done (if you realized it or not)

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“No citizen has a right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training… what a disgrace it is for a man to grow old without ever seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable.”
 – Socrates

Online FLEX

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Re: Merkley's guide to pretend lifting
« Reply #14 on: February 12, 2015, 07:22:03 AM »
Nice.
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Powerlifting Meet Bests:

2018.04.28:  620 Squat, 345 Bench, 615 Dead   |  1580 Total
2017.04.29:  610 Squat, 325 Bench, 600 Dead   |  1535 Total
2016.04.22:  600 Squat, 330 Bench, 600 Dead   |  1530 Total
2015.08.09:  600 Squat, 320 Bench, 600 Dead   |  1520 Total
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