Thanks for the recent comments guys. I haven't logged on to here for many months. A lot has changed over the last year.
After my husband passed on Oct. 21, after two Celebrations of Life (one in our hometown, and one where we lived for 21 years), after the constant flow of friends and family subsided, I went back to work. I felt like I couldn't function in life. I had no strength, no energy, no willpower to do anything, and my mind was mush, I couldn't remember anything. I found out later this is normal and typical of widows & widowers. For some it lasts years, and I recalled seeing my widowed grandmother grieve like that for 30+ years. In online support groups there are young-ish widowed people who never escape the dark depths of extreme grief. I made the decision that I would not be one of those people.
The worst part was going to work at 8 every morning, barely being able to do my job, then coming home to walk the dog, fixing something for dinner, and sitting on the couch to watch TV. It was as if I were trying to live my old life, a life which no longer existed. So in January I quit my job.
The day after my last day of work I went back to the gym for the first time. I started running, I dieted, I lifted. In March I went on a 2 week vacation in Puerto Vallarta, and by that time my whole outlook and even my personality were starting to change. I was more outgoing, less introverted. Part of the vacation was with old friends, and part of it was me alone, but with new friends that I made while there.
In April and May I took off on a 5-week road trip; something I never would have done before. I used to hate long distance driving, but I loved this trip. I drove south and visited friends in Louisiana, then east and south all along the Florida gulf coast with plenty of beach stops along the way, and visits with other friends and even met up with some of Randy's family who were vacationing down there. Made my way to the Naples area where I stayed with my best friends for 2 weeks. Then slowly drove back home through GA, TN, and AR and had some great times at stops along the way. And got in some good workouts throughout the whole trip!
In April I signed up with NASM to go through their Certified Personal Trainer program. My exam is scheduled for Thursday this week. I'm pretty confident about passing it easily. Then my next step is to sign up for their specialization program on training senior citizens. One thing that has always bothered me is seeing old guys at my gym (which is a very large facility with lots of members) being trained by one of the 20-something year old young bucks, you see them there for maybe 2 or 3 sessions, and then you never see them again. The young bodybuilding trainers just don't relate well to the old guys, so I want to be my area of specialty. I don't have a plan yet for where or how I'll work in the field, but I have some ideas in the back of my head. I'm gonna take off the rest of this year from working before I start to formulate a plan for making a little money out of this.
So that's my log for the last 10 months. You always hear that you shouldn't make major life changes or decisions in the first year, but in my case I think it saved my life. I've been seeing a grief counselor who has supported me through this, but I think I'm finished with counseling. It may sound crass and cold-hearted, but I'm enjoying my new single life now. Now that I've taken control of my life, I'm a happier person now than ever before. And then something else fell out of the sky and landed on me like a ton of bricks in the last 6 weeks... I've been dating someone. And he's 19 years younger than me, and he's the one who asked me out! Really it's too soon to say we're dating because it's only been 4 dates in 6 weeks, but I'm a volunteer at his place of work which is right in my neighborhood, so we see each other a couple times a week outside of the actual dates. Craziness. But I'm embracing the Crazy.
